2008: Year of Me

I have decided to return to blogging.

I realize that I was on hiatus for so long….two years, too long.

Quite a bit has happened in my life, that I will share in due time.

The first order of business? 2008 Goals.

2008 will be the year of ME. I came to this conclusion just before the ball dropped signifying the New Year.

In short, I broke up with my Man, the one I was with for the last 5 ½ years. The one I was set to marry. I listened to my gut on that one and canceled the wedding; deciding he was not the one I wanted to marry. We can get to that at another time.

My heart has been broken and I need to be done brooding over it. Enough is enough; I have hit my personal threshold. For the entire 5 ½ years, I have done nothing but support Him and never minded myself. I did take care of myself, though not how I would have liked, as well, I did not support my own personal interests. People change and grow. I did, but was held back from doing anything because all my focus was on Him. Now, I see, that was not healthy. Thus, I declare 2008 the Year of Me.

I made a list of everything I want to do this year; every thing that came into my mind. And looking at the list, my biggest gripe is time. I have to learn to budget my time accordingly. This could prove to be a struggle. However, it will also be a challenge.

Some of the goals that I would like to accomplish in 2008 appear to be pretty generic: read more, knit more, write more, exercise daily, and hang out with friends more. But as I previously stated, I need to learn to budget my time. I have purchased the book ‘Getting Things Done: the Art of Stress Free Productivity’ by David Allen. This book appears to be highly recommended and referenced often by friends and professionals alike. I have not tackled that book just yet, as I am currently a one-book-woman kinda gal and am currently reading ‘On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft’ by Stephen King.

In addition, I will be making some changes to the site, in hopes of making it more up-to-date and intriguing.

Stay tuned for more…..I have returned.

Oh for the Love of Happiness!

So, I’m watching ‘Mona Lisa Smile’ at 2am the other morning. And as I’m watching it and the events are unfolding in the movie (towards the end, obviously). I find myself crying. And I then I realized why I was crying.

For as long as I have been watching movies, I have found myself quite emotional (either crying or very much near it) during movies that do not require any type of emotional response, simple movies, really. And for the longest time (up until the other day) I always found myself crying for True Love.

I have questioned the concept of True Love for almost as long as I’ve been watching these movies. That is, since I’ve been exposed to watching movies, I discovered the concept of True Love. There was a belief that there was a person out there that would love me and we would grow old and have fun together. As I grew older, I discovered sex would be an issue…in the positive, of course.

So, when I met my man, it dawned on me that things were different this time around. That there was something significant going on with this new man. Now that we’ve been together for a long time, I realize that this is True Love. Now, there were no angels singing in the backround, nor was there any new-age music nor any up-and-coming singer/songwriter performing next to me.

Now, fast-forward to now, 2am in the morning, watching ‘Mona Lisa Smile.’ As I started crying, for what I thought was finding True Love. I realized that wasn’t it. I was not crying for True Love. I was crying for Happiness. It was a matter of finding Happiness and being Happy with it. There are moments when the Happiness lasts for a little while…but not forever. And that’s what we are all looking for – forever happiness. And I realized this and of course started to cry some more. It was amazing how after all these years (since I started getting serious about watching movies, about the age of 12), that I always cried because I didn’t have a True Love. And now, YEARS later, I discover this entire time I’ve been crying because of Happiness. And how disillusioning it can be.

And the reason I’m crying about this? Because I have never known Happiness until I was older, in my early twenties. And even then, it was a struggle. My upbringing was not the greatest, though it was better than most. I had a fucked-up biological father that caused a lot of havoc in my life until I was in my early twenties when I came to terms with it (rather than just ignoring it). So for me to have Happiness, it is a big thing.

And of course I began to evaluate my current situation. But I realize that I am VERY happy. I LOVE the man I’m with, the house I’m in, the stuff I’m doing (aside from going to school, which I have had enough, but have to endure 3 more months to complete).

I have issues with my job. I love my job, just not the people I work with. Is this an issue or is this normal? I have yet to decide. I KNOW that I am going through unnecessary bullshit and that it is not the same every where else. So, the contemplation concerns on what to do, however, I am not seriously thinking about that until I have finished school.

(At this point, I am not going to get into the unhappiness that exists within the world, perhaps another day).

Then Diana emails me the other day with this book she wants to get “The Art of Happiness at Work” by The Dalai Lama. Who better to write on this subject than him? Then I get to thinking that I should read this book, as well. Nevermind that I should also read “The Art of Happiness.” No less, both are now on my Wish List.

In the end, it IS about being happy and having Happiness in your life. Perhaps not in all aspects, but in as many as can be possible. So, I toast you all to Happiness in 2006.